You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
