u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I smell stomach acid.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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