Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
