The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
