I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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