he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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