take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
