I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
