He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
