where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My cat gives me a boner
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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