sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
