shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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