i always forget guys have bellybuttons
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
