I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
