I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
