I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
