you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. đ
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
At least Iâm an âessential employeeâ and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesnât ask why Iâm essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nitâs cock oâclock!
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