My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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