He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
