Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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