I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
A+ Viking dick
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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