jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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