I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
