Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
