apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
