...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
