using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
