I met the friendliest cop last night
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
