i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
