Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
