Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
