THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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