i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
