my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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