I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
