I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
