someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I use my feet as sexual weapons
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
