thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
