come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I AM VODKA MAN
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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