I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
