Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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