My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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