weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she peed on how many people?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
