if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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