You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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