i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
