I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
