She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
