I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
