When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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