Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
