I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
