Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
