take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
