let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
