I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She just used a chaser for red wine.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
